When I was much younger, I used to think that the number of presents one receives on his or her birthday is a sign of how popular he or she is. If I had continued to think like this, I'ld had probably sank into depression thinking that somehow I had became a horrible person.
I was just peering at the line of teddies and photoframes, tiny presents and gifts that I had received and fondly displayed over the years. For most of them, I still rememebered from whom and when I had received it. If it's some kind of collection of proof, this year must have been the most miserable. What I have blogged is what I had received but I am still very grateful for those who remembered.... I love presents, not that I am materialistic for a simple slice of cake or a little dollar hp strap can really bring me much joy...just that I thought that I had made the most number of friends in my university years, but whether I have a place in their hearts I do not know... when I go for planned/surprise b'day parties by friends for friends, or when I plan something or anything... it makes me think why I'm doing/people do such things but mine's void and empty. Keeping touch with friends before uni years were more than difficult.
Neither did I receive anything from this so called family, I don't even know if they knew I was born into this place that very day. maybe coz they thought I nv gave, thats why I didn't receive. I know I am horrible here, but it's terrible too. Makes me hate even more.
And if it's true that I am horrible, then horrible I shall be. It can't be helped. Uni year 1 taught me that I need to protect myself. Even person I had loved and buddies I trust the most can be my worst enemy. Even your own mother can create hell for you.
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