Ups and Downs

It's been some time since I was here. Been working very hard and trying to play as hard too.



The first month of work was really the honeymoon period...where everything was fresh and I was still wondering why my predecessors left my position so quickly for various reasons. Although I have been working OT since the first day of work, doing surveys way after office hours, I thought this job was great as I am meeting people and coming up with new ideas every day (coz I had the time to think) . I'm also learning new marketing stuffs everyday.



For the past week or so though, I havent been meeting people. I havent been thinking. I have only been trying to chase time, the same feeling like trying to chase after your shadow in the evening sun, aiming to plant both your feets on your head but each time you move, the shadow's always ahead of you. And the midday sun has been so shrouded by cloudy skies (with haze recently... even NEA website's so loaded it's not loading) so you're prevented from the simply goal of standing in your own shadow from head to toe.



I'm also not really learning new marketing stuffs. But I'm still learning - about how to twist words so that I don't say the wrong things to bosses and partners, at the same time trying to stay as honest as I can. It's such a meticulous and delicate balance, I'm not careful enough and I kept shattering it.

Keeping in contact with overseas bosses is also mind blowing. I've been working for more than 12 hours this week so far, simply because I spend more time collating everything and trying to make things short and sweet in view that bosses are busy people, esp overseas. Then when things are short and sweet, people start to assume missing information and then make the wrong assumption, often to a negative side.

Then it makes no sense to rectify the assumptions which may require long emails when the reason why everything happened is because I wanted to keep things simple. Trying to rectify probs may also make me look like I am arguing, esp when the boss specifically told you ' no time to read emails'. So I went ahead to do my stuffs, threading on my toes, yet I still recieve a 'Who gave you the approval?!" So I went back to square 1, seeking approval for every single breath I take.

Its not like people in the same hazy island are anymore contactable too. Somehow when I need things I could never get to them. Then when they needs things (which are ALWAYS very urgent, more urgent than mine), being the person who strive to nv miss a call, I am always there and I became a messenger, doing more things when I have not even settled my own issues I wanted to raise to the very same person. Somehow. Then when everything is finally done, and I raise my issues, "Oh! I get back to you in a while" then the same whole process repeats. TMD.

All hell broke loose and I spend my nights worrying what kind of emails I will receive the next day. Sometimes I even felt like I should not sleep but wait for my boss to reply 3-4am emails so I can quickly get things stright.

Now I know why my predesessors left. But I'm gonna stay. If this is the kind of trials God has in mind for me, then I'll just take it in my stride and prove myself. Although I feel that many of my so called mistakes were are driven by circumstances I dont understand, leading to many misunderstanding, I don't think I need to stand up for myself. I just have to do my job, be more stringent (that is if i get my good slp) and try to stop those stress acne from popping.

Bracing myself for the arrival of bosses tml. They are finally back. Bad news is I am expecting some form of compiled and burning lecturing and they have probably lost their faith in this one who aced the interview. Good news is since they are back and things will go on right once again.