Not going anywhere

When I typed in the above title it seemed ironic to me that this same 3 words has two different meaning which I am applying in my current situation.

I am not going anywhere with my job and I do not see myself improving. I know where the problem lies but thats the way the system is and it was drilled into me within the first 4 weeks of work that there is nothing I can do to change it. Neither do the people around me want any change. The culture was, will and shall always remain the same. On top of this, I feel like I have entered a events company, not a MNC as a marketing executive. All I do was to just garner registration, look for suppliers, liasing with logistics persons and follow instructions.

And yet, simply because it is only my 8th month at the job, I'm not going anywhere too. What am I going to tell my future employees that 8 months and all I did was to follow instructions and garner registrations and database?

I had a bad chiding from my top boss for things I have had no control over. What am I to do when I have really cracked my brain for so many ideas only to be rejected one after another, and then back to square 1 following instructions once again? What am I to do when after working so hard for a project I look forward to, just because I cannot think of any new idea which they themselves cannot figure out and I get my project taken out from my KPI? What am I to do when someone leaves and and suddenly I have to garner registrations in 21 days? I even have to seive through information to find out what was left over then continue from there! Why is it that I am still handling something that is under someone else's KPI and I help cover the beginning while someone else gets the honour of covering the end.

How could you bet a $100 dollars that a manager can complete something within a week which I cannot complete in a month? If I am the decision maker I am sure I can, save the consequences that my decisions may not be the right decisions. But I am not the decision maker and I cannot make promises. I have to go through a minimum of 3 rounds instead of 1. 1 - talk to the supplier/ partner for a deal, 2 - wait for a good time to discuss with manager , 3 - return to the supplier. This is the best case scenerio. The worst case is when the supplier says no, lets try to compromise, then I repeat step 1 to 3 again SEVERAL TIMES. If my manager changes her mind and wants something more, then the scenerio is the same as the previous. How can you bet a $100 on this? I do not mind giving you the $100 off hand from my pocket if $100 is what you want. I know that you want me to take this positively, but I am a marketing excutive who is told to simply follow instructions.

I have been working off my ass from 8.30am to 10pm for the past 1 week and I know I am losing myself. My dreams are all about work now and I have trouble every morning having to go through what is really completed and what is completed - only in my dreams.

I have been missing out on my promises to God to maintain a regular reading time every week.

Thank God Easter is coming in less than 24 hours and I can indulge in God's words again.